a poetic retelling of an unfortunate seduction [entries|friends|calendar] Cletus "tater salad" Van Damme [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

i have officially found the only prayer i will say (in 6 years, of course) [03 Aug 2004|04:57pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Catherine Crier Live ] Dear Lord, Bless my family and friends and cause the teeth of a malpractice lawyer to falleth like hailstones in the marble hallways of justice. O Lord, may the next passage of the litigator's comb through his silver locks snatcheth him bald. May the jury he turneth to face on the morrow behold that lo, he failed to zippeth up his fly. May his bowels turneth to concrete at home and to water in the courtroom. When he goeth to switch on the ignition, may his large Germen vehicle droppeth its transmission like unto a cow giving birth. May the next doctor he chargeth with malpractice sueth the lawyer in turn for malpractice and collecteth mightily, and then some, for ever and ever. Amen. - Dr. Oscar London M.D., W.B.D. hehe, i thought that was funny. edit: by the way, if this is the last post you are seeing, i have officially gone friends only, and you are officially not on the list. so stop being a slackass and comment to be added. 21 lied and said it was for the best

[18 Jun 2004|03:09pm] [ mood | nerdy ] aspirate media [5 mL] sterile PBS aspirate PBS [3 mL] trypsin/EDTA incubate [37 C/3 minutes] tap to remove cells from flask [3 mL] culturing media break cell clumps and pipette into [15 mL] centrifuge tube incubate [3 minutes/700 rpm/26 C] aspirate supernatant resuspend in [3 mL] culturing media put [1/10] of final volume into each [T-75] flask incubate [37 C] i know the protocol by heart and that makes me sad. ( nerd sex is hawt ) 22 lied and said it was for the best

[18 Jun 2004|10:52am] Daniel graduated from the Windsor School today. It was the most bittersweet birthday present that I ever recieved. I am so happy he graduated, but I really didn't want him to graduate from there. I have to get to work. 3 lied and said it was for the best

[15 Jun 2004|07:01pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | "about to go down" - pastor troy ] ( swimming! ) 35 lied and said it was for the best

[13 Jun 2004|02:25pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | "armageddon it" - def leppard ] mommy just told me we are gonna get a new puppy. so that makes me happy. maybe this time i'll get to name him. lol. i will name him batman and no one will stop me. where i've applied so far Fordham McGill UNC Clemson Rutgers Marist where i've heard from so far what i've been up to working at the hospital taking physics at bergen eating...occasionally sleeping...occasionally what i am getting from work $10.00/hr when i am working on Puracyp DPX-2 cells something amazing to put on my resume all the scrubs i can steal carpal tunnel syndrome aggrivated ideas for my kitten's name (the kitten is mine, the dog will be the family's) ripcord chainsaw mackenzie pope john paul george ringo what i am considering changing my LJ name to mabellepeche monkeyknifefight ( gawk, motherfuckers, gawk! ) 44 lied and said it was for the best

[13 Jun 2004|02:20pm] [ music | "sell my old clothes, i'm off to heaven" - saves the day ] my puppy got hit by a car yesterday and was killed on impact. poor little guy, i really did love him though he was nothing more than an annoying white mop. i hope it was painless...sigh. 9 lied and said it was for the best

[01 Jun 2004|07:38pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | "clark gable" - the postal service ] Dear Physics, I abhor you. Do not for a second flatter yourself. It is not that you hard at all. Rather, you are easier than a two dollar whore on ecstacy. Still, you manage to tear away the darkest nether regions of my soul for four hours a day. You make me wretch at all the busy work you put through on a daily basis. I really do hate you. All my love, Andrew Dear Institute of Biomedical Research, For all the work you have me do, you do not pay me enough. Sure, all I really do is make solutions for SDS-PAGE and culture cells, but you truly make me feel like a worthless whipping boy. You are not worth putting down on my resume for medical school. Yours, Andrew Dear LiveJournal, I have tried to avoid you. I really have. But you are like a black hole who continually sucks me in. Even though I haven't posted, checking my friends list is an almost daily thing for me and I wish you would just go away. But you don't. And it is though I will never escape this downward spiral of plotting my petty drama. Sincerely, Andrew Dear Self, Stop being so hateful. Life is great. Get a grip. --Andrew Dear invitation_inn, Sorry for shamelessly stealing your style of posting. Apologetically, Andrew Dear Everyone on my Friends LIst, Yeah, I missed you. Don't let it go to your heads. hehe. Yours, as always, Andrew ( only one photo for now ) 14 lied and said it was for the best

motherfuck you! [04 May 2004|04:21pm] [ mood | optimistic ] [ music | "how to be dead" - snow patrol ] i got the aqua teen hunger force DVDs, so you can all be jealous. my ER season 2 DVDs are coming shortly... only cats who shed are the ones who like to hang out with me. mina, it was sent. i'll call the post office and find out what the deal is. australians fuck up my sleep schedule. SCHOOL IS FUCKING OVER! GOODBYE USP! anyone want to go to the moneen/northstar show with me? everyone should listen to Snow Patrol. i still owe my leasing company a lot of money. must trick mommy into writing me a check... i need a new digital camera. i also need new pants. i got real fat this semester, then lost all the weight and it became muscle but still, i have a bigger waistline now. i found myself listening to old school new found glory and i was actually enjoying it. i have a bunch of stories about the past few weeks that i want to post but i wrote them down on paper and left the paper at school. i'll have to go retrieve them at some point. the motion city soundtrack show rocked my socks right off! i met the whole band and they autographed a record for me! then, as we were leaving TLA, they drove by us in their van and honked at us. it rocked. still waiting to hear from schools... working at the research lab again this summer and taking french and spanish classes in the evening (as well as psychology classes online). if all goes well, i will have plenty of pictures to put up in the next couple of days (include those eyeliner emo shots that everyone wanted to see). i want to go up to the Hamptons and have a huge clambake, would anyone be interested in meeting me up there? it wouldn't be for a month or two at least. don't have much more to say. enjoy the lovely day, kids. i'm going to the park or the zoo or something. --the andrew. 48 lied and said it was for the best

[26 Apr 2004|01:23pm] [ mood | relieved ] [ music | "'til i'm laid to rest" - buju banton ] well, they think it's nothing, but they referred me to a urologist in philadelphia...so i guess on wednesday or something i'll get everything checked out for good. this is a weight off my chest, and my groin as well. hehehe. time to pack and get back to my weekly commute. sigh. 8 lied and said it was for the best

[26 Apr 2004|03:22am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | "yeah" - usher (feat. lil' jon and ludacris) ] I was sleeping quite soundly until a few moments ago. I can't say for sure why I woke up but I can tell you that it wasn't for a cool reason. No nightmare, earthquake, or White House takeover funded by the Swiss. Whatever the case, I'm up, and I ought to post. The lump I found is very small. However, It is still very real and although this gets on the disgusting side, I'm a bit swollen in the area. So when I walk, I produce a constant "man being kicked in groin" feeling. Although terribly painful, I must admit that it is kinda funny. I am going to the doctor tomorrow morning to get it all checked out. For any other problem, I would probably just let it go - you know, "physician heal thyself" - but with a family history of cancer, the melanoma scare that I had last summer, and the fact that I smoked for a good 300 years, I'm not one to take any chances. Am I scared? You bet your ass. But knowing me, I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill as usual. My immune system is shit and it could just simply be an infection that made it's way down there. I'm told that it happens quite a bit in men but the doctor is probably the only person we don't want cradling our balls so we just kind of let it go. I'm not too fond of having my testicles rolled around by an old man either, but I don't take risks when the "C" word comes into play. Hey, when this is all said and done, maybe it will help to point me in a direction as to what I want to do with my life. Of course, I have always wanted to be the real-life version of Dr. Carter - a young, strapping emergency room physcian who gets to bark out orders when one person codes after another. I must say, a job like that would certainly keep a doctor on his or her toes. However, unlike John Carter, when my parents die I will not be inheriting $175 million. Because of that, I really couldn't take a job at hospital like Cook County General - an inner city hospital where the physicians are over-worked and under-paid. I'd end up at a hospital like the one I work at now - HUMC - where the most exciting thing in the ER is a car crash or anaphylaxsis. No gangbangers, not too many psych patients, nothing to really keep me on my toes. So what about oncology? People who really need my help. People who are truly suffering. People who are on constantly on morphine because they are so much pain at all times. Five year olds who are bald thanks to chemo. Maybe that is my calling. And hey, if I ever do get cancer, it would be a hell of lot easier to get the help I need. heh. Maybe I'm just rambling. Maybe I'll win the lottery and then I can work at County General. Maybe I'll just shut up and try to get back to bed. Whatever the case, wish me luck tomorrow. 16 lied and said it was for the best

[25 Apr 2004|02:38am] [ mood | scared ] [ music | "too high (for the supermarket)" - the uninvited ] found a lump on my left testicle. i see the doctor on monday. don't comment, i don't want your pity. i just needed to get that off my chest.

[13 Apr 2004|04:59pm] [ mood | busy ] Well, as many of you might have noticed, I have taken a livejournal hiatus - a sabbatical if you will. There is a lot going on and now the only time I can really spend on the computer is time I am using to finish up my applications to the various universities I am attempting to transfer to. Hopefully I will be back in action soon, but for the time being, I just haven't the time. Be good, my children. Don't do anything I wouldn't do (although that doesn't leave much). 24 lied and said it was for the best

[06 Apr 2004|12:08pm] [ mood | i can't say the "th" sound! ] [ music | "rocks, tonic, juice, magic" - saves the day ] Reason #184 as to why New York City is the Greatest City in the World: the back of my MetroCard reads: Please, no running in the station. (Although we applaud your boundless energy and zest for living.) Only NYC would have the grapefruits to say something like that. anyway, dentist appointment at 3:30, probably leaving for Philadelphia from there. sigh. Missed the performance, feel like death, and until 3:30 - you may refer to me as Crackedtooth Soulpatch. ok, maybe that's Gunsoir's nickname, but since no one knows who he is, I am going to steal it for the time being. A cat scratched me the other day. Probably not on purpose, Brendan threw the cat onto me and it's claws popped out, cutting me four times on my left arm. My mother saw them today and thought I was cutting myself again. I tried to explain, but she didn't believe me, telling me that "everything is going to be alright" and that I shouldn't resort to "hurting yourself" or "lying to your mother." you know, it really sucks to have a therapist as mom sometimes...heh. 13 lied and said it was for the best

[05 Apr 2004|08:59pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | "homecoming king" - guster ] first and foremost, mina, i sent out the journal today. i am sorry for all that i've caused and please pull me from the circle. i am far too sick and busy to participate. i can't apologize more. it's a full fucking moon. guess what that means - everything that can go wrong, will. I got to Penn Station to get on a train. The one I needed was cancelled. So I went for a walk to kill time for the next one. At starbucks I managed to have a decent amount of cash fall out of my pocket and while retracing my steps (it was futile, of course), I missed the second train. So now I'm down money and late. I realize that I won't be able to make it back to Philly until midnight so I decide that it is best to come back to my parents house and leave tomorrow morning. I need to be back by 1:00 so I can perform the monologue I've prepaired. BUT WAIT! I forgot to mention that I chipped my front tooth and now instead of leaving for Philadelphia first thing tomorrow morning, I am going to be at the dentist, having a temporary cap put on my tooth so they can fix it in a few weeks when my semester is over. I guess that means I won't be doing to monologue, which sucks because I worked my ass off to prepare it. If you live in or around Bergen County, NJ, please do one of two things for me tonight: a) get me so drunk that I forget my name. or b) shoot me. the choice is yours ladies and gentlemen, the choice is yours. 14 lied and said it was for the best

my pile, as promised to sad_sun [05 Apr 2004|12:28pm] things that make the andrew happy: barrels of monkeys, the first day of spring, central park, getting all dressed up, parties at pi lambda phi, the first day of summer, Paris, south street, road trips, my pathetic emo mixes, Degas, going to shows, chocolate factories run by big-breasted hookers, sushi, dancing, finding out someone you know is jewish, going to the gym (runner's high rocks my socks), audrey tautou, cool spring nights (the ones when you wear a hoodie and shorts), Montreal, meeting people on the subway, indie films, Madrid, the mall, ducks, trying to look cool by talking to people in the little french that i've taught myself, being an elitist, meeting people from lj, buying my friends presents when i see something that reminds me of them, thursdays, english-tweed jackets with the patches on the elbows, chasing geese in the park, skipping stones, hugging... more to come when i have more time along with a new before i die list... 15 lied and said it was for the best

[01 Apr 2004|04:08pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | NBC-10 News ] well, i did it. i bought eyeliner. i'm going to be that emo kid. pictures to come when i learn how to put the shit on. heh. i already poked myself in the eye. 54 lied and said it was for the best

a letter to my father [30 Mar 2004|11:59pm] Dear Dr. Jay M. Buchholz, DVM, You say that I never speak to you unless I want something. Yet again, this holds true. However, I do not want money. I just want you to listen. In the past, you have said and done some pretty mean things to me. And every time that something like that has transpired, it was warranted. I have done some pretty shitty things over these past nineteen and a half years and maybe I haven't been the best son to you. For that, I apologize. However, what happenned on Sunday was the most cruel thing anyone has ever done to me. No girl has ever broken my heart like you did. I loved you. And I still do. You may have not been around as much as I would have liked you to while I was growing up. I understand that, though. I truly do. You have slaved away at the veterinary clinic well over 90 hours a week for years just so that I could have everything that I have ever wanted. Because of what you have done, I have always had enough cash in my pocket to go out with my friends, go out on dates, and so on. I have always dressed in designer clothing, you have sent me to a very expensive private university (while also paying out of pocket for Daniel's very expensive special needs secondary school), and when I transfer to a school closer to home, you are going to buy me a Saab. I have always had everything I've ever wanted and then some. You have raised me as a gentleman and a scholar. I respected you. You were in my mind always the smartest and nicest person alive. You would bend over backwards for people you have never met and I have modelled myself after your image for it. I was proud to have you as my father. That has all changed. There is no way that I can respect a man that called his own son a disappointment to his face. Please do not try to argue that. That is what you called me. After all the years that I tried to become as great a man as you. A disappointment. So, I have failed you. I will never be you. But now I realized that maybe being like you isn't that amazing. I would never call my son a disappointment no matter what he did. Call me over-sensitive, call me a fragile flower, call me what you will. Maybe I am weak. But that doesn't take away the fact that I no longer have a role model in my life. I will get over this, but I will never forget it. Please know that I love you, though this may be the last time I say it. Your son, Andrew 12 lied and said it was for the best

[30 Mar 2004|12:52pm] you know, a trip to white manna is sometimes all you need to make everything ok in the world. 13 lied and said it was for the best

another "before i die" list...anyone who needs cheering up should read. [30 Mar 2004|01:07am] before i die, i want to... own a pair of presidential pjs from any country. go an entire year without shoes. dognap magic the dog from those old navy commercials. break into the old navy winter commercials and make snow angels without telling anyone why. visit dracula's grave in Memphis, Tenn. be a guest voice on the simpsons. eat a guest voice on the simpsons. hang out with David Beckham and Snoop Dizzy Dogg at the same time. slap courtney love just because. play the knife game with a bunch of drunken sailors. eat a guinnea pig. devote at least three weeks of my life to my lady, the sea. start praying to Greek gods - sacrifices and all. (does that mean you? we shall see...) get a standing ovation at the Apollo Theatre. get drunk with Sir Sean Connery. analyze Keith Richard's DNA. kill off all close matches to it. get knighted by the Queen of England. buy a small Latin American country, preferably never one owned by the Dutch. become the Ultimate Fighting Champion in the Super Featherweight division only to have my title stripped in a controversial manner. fight off the bears protecting the Poland Spring and celebrate by urinating in it. be the first member of the RCMP to be mounted on a moose and get an honourable discharge for it. successfully defend myself with an insanity plea. compete in the World's Strongest Man competition and/or sumo wrestle an elephant. become Prime Minister of Canada and make it the largest country in the world by annexing Alaska from the United States. win a gold medal, not necessarily from the Olympics. have my picture taken with three pirates. at least one must be first mate and/or missing a leg. more to come as the days go on. 34 lied and said it was for the best

[29 Mar 2004|03:26am] i have been up for over 48 bloody hours and i still can't go to sleep naturally. so...while waiting for some tylenol pm to kick in, i thought i'd update. saves the day was thoroughly disappointing. they played through most of "in reverie" but only played one song from "through being cool." it was a good show, but i wanted to hear third engine. so i'm boycotting saves the day for the time being. however, i had a lovely night and not even chris connelly's recent weight gain could change that. :-) i've decided to compile a list of things i want to do before i die. it is a pretty cool way to pass the time. i will put down as many as i can think of before i start getting groggy. i'll continue this in installments to combat my insomnia instead of joining one random rating comm after another. before i die i want to... make it through life without ever being arrested by a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. become a Mountie. have the balls to finally give my father a piece of my mind. go to at least 75% of all the nations of the world. own an authentic roman gladiatorial helmet. wear said helmet to a solemn occasion (i.e. a funeral) as though nothing is wrong. get my MD and my MBA, hopefully from McGill. have a pet monkey. fly. make sure that all my siblings are taken care of after my passing. eat pieces of raw dolphin off the body of a naked virgin. take an art class. write a screenplay that gets used in Hollywood. be on national tv as more than a spectator at the yankees-mets game. eat a ham and cheese sandwich in front of my former rabbi. feign illness and regurgitate said sandwich onto said rabbi. go to DisneyWorld again. fully understand the rules to rugby. punch a random man in the face for no reason whatsoever. ok, those are the ones for now. i'm going to bed now. goodnight. 14 lied and said it was for the best

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]